Saturday, August 11, 2007

Rebound journal (re post from june 2007)

I found this cute little book at chapters. I bought 4. I may buy more so I have them on hand for all my girlfriends. For now though I bought my own , one for my sister, one for my friend and another for a friend who I wish would get rid of the monkey on her back.
It is the funniest little book and will be a huge source of blog postings for the next little while.
So I begin at the beginning with the quiz.

The quiz is cute because I can pick from a list of unflattering names to use while answering.

1. When you asked the jerkwad a question during a televised sporting event, he would usually:

a. grab the remote and turn up the volume
b. answer a totally unrelated question
c. tell you to keep it down while he adjusted himself a la Al Bundy
d. ask you to fetch him a chicken pot pie

I'd have to go with a or c. We were long distance so he wouldn't talk to me during a show he wanted to watch.
I'd say A and over time he would have progressed to C...even D

2. On your birthday, the rat bastard would most likely:

a. come down with a bad case of amnesia ( I've met this guy, he dated my friend) (jerk)
b. buy you an action figure that he secretly wanted
c. present you with flame retardant lingerie
d. take you to an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie

None of the above but I'll add my own,
e. Take you out and make you pick out your own present with a limit of 50.00 cause he was broke after going out the day before and buying himself 200.00 worth of clothes.

3. The loser's idea of fine dining:
a. the junk food aisle at the grocery store
b. local greasy spoon
c. his mom's house
d. TV dinner

My own addition
e. red lobster where he never took you anyway just said he would like it was some sort of exclusive 5 star restaurant.

Or c. loser

4. The sorry excuse for a human being was most likely to read:
a. the back of the cocoa puffs box
b. box scores
c. porn
d. a restraining order

This one is easy. Porn. Did I ever tell you about the time he picked me up at the airport and when I opened the door to his truck a porn mag fell out....yeah ...nice. ......
5. The walking Bob's idea of romance would usually include:
a. a trip to the bowling alley
b. a trip to the liquor store
c. allowing you to wear his favorite player's jersey as a night shirt
d. three minutes of fumbling foreplay before passing out

Romance????????

6. When it came to paying for dinner, Jobless mooch would:
a. retire to the bathroom for a long time
b. Forget his wallet
c. try to revive a quaint European custom called " Dutch Treat"
d. pay, expecting sexual favors in return

I'd have to go with C always C but then I had a job.....Loser

7.After arriving at the romantic bed and breakfast you booked the sorry excuse for a Y chromasome's first question was:
a. "Where are they hiding the TV?"
b. "7 am tee time ok?"
c. "Crap you aren't going to propose are you?"
d. "Do you really expect me to get it up under that canopy?"

We never went anywhere so I will have to guess A.... god forbid he should miss Hero's

8. The thing that horrified you most about spending the night at -----------'s place was:
a. his lewd, crude roommate who farted at you for fun (nope that was what horrified me about staying at my sisters)
b. sheets that could get up and walk by themselves
c. the solitary bottle of crusty psoriasis shampoo in the shower
d one single terrible word: refrigerator

Gonna have to add my own again
e. Waking up in the morning and sharing a pot of coffee with his Mom.........what the fuck was I thinking!

9. Disturbing qualities of _____________'s closest friends include:
a. inappropriate touching of one another, particularly below the waist
b. constant references to his previous girlfriends ("remember how much fun we had with her?")
c. Juvenile in jokes meant to exclude you, complete with belly-bumping and high fiving
d. how the called to "console" you with in hours of the break up

As my brother is one of his closest friends I will opt out of this one. And I like his friends...more than I like him really.

10. While being generous enough to sleep with the mommas boy, you endured the following freakish behavior:
a. his requirement that Van Halen's "Jump" be playing during foreplay, with you acting as air guitar
b. having to intimate a sports center commentator doing a play by play in order to put him in the mood ("And now, the bra's coming off!! He's going to score! Booh YAH!")
c. talking about his penis in the third person, complete with little voices
d. his tendency to shout out either "Farrah" or "Oh J-Lo" during climax

Sex was good and not weird so none of the above; but I'm thinking maybe he would have escalated to b. Maybe he'd still be around.
Of course while answering the other questions I realize the whole relationship can be written off to temporary insanity....What the fuck was I thinking.


The results

Ready to calculate? Big surprise, no matter what answer you selected for each question, your ex adds up to a big fat zero. The good news:
If your reading this book, you've already passed your most difficult test with flying colors. There's no doubt you will be scoring high marks ( and just scoring, if you know what we mean) very soon. So turn the page and get to it! You've got things to do, places to go, and new boys to kiss. WoooHooo!

And so the jouney begin's. Join me on the road to rebound! It looks like it's going to be fun....and cleansing!
Posted by Peggie :: 11:17 AM :: 0 Comments:

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